Childless & Judgemental: Society is Missing the Boat on Parenting
Like Ann Landers and Dear Abby before her, reading Canadian advice columnist Ellie is a good indicator of where most people stand on social standards. I am afraid to report, that as far as parenting is concerned, Ellie and her readers are stuck in the clueless “blame the mother” dialogue that has crippled society for so long.
In today’s column, a letter writer asks how she should have reacted when a mother nearby changed her baby on a restaurant table.
The letter writer said.
Ellie responds with deep criticism of the mother:
- Since every sit-down restaurant must, by law, have a washroom nearby, this diaper change on a surface where food is to be placed and in view (and smell) of other eaters, falls into the category of Parent Entitlement Behaviour, which has unfortunately gripped too many new parents in our society, Ellie states.
- However, she continues, that young mother may have acted impulsively, without thinking about anyone or anything but her baby’s needs.
Notice how neither Ellie, the quoted manager, nor the letter writer mention whether a change table was available in one or both of the restaurant rest rooms? In most restaurants, there is none. A babyless Ellie, patron and manager would all fail to see the shortage here, I am nothing but sympathetic. In my career as a parent to babies, I have been directedby restaurant managers to change my baby on dining room booth seats and on the floor of restaurant washrooms…a health issue far more serious than changing a baby on a table top that should be wiped with disinfectant after each sitting.
While I would certainly prefer not to change to have baby changed on the restaurant table, I know that parents are often left with absolutely no choice. The fact that Ellie, childless restaurant patrons and even eatery managers don’t know this is just depressing. The fact that parents are said to suffer from “entitlement” because they make do with what is available, stinks much more than the contents of any diaper.
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POSTED IN: Baby Care, Mental Health
10 opinions for Childless & Judgemental: Society is Missing the Boat on Parenting
Plain Jane Mom
Feb 6, 2007 at 2:03 pm
While I agree that there is a lot of ‘blame the mom’ out there, it is disgusting to change your baby on an eating surface.
She could have at least done it on the seats in a booth, or in the back seat of her car if she had one, or asked the restaurant if there was someplace in the back she could have used, or just waited to change the diaper.
It really is inexcusable to change a baby on a public eating surface. If I have to pee and there is no public restroom nearby, I don’t just piss on the street.
Angela
Feb 6, 2007 at 4:24 pm
When I change a diaper I usually do so on a diaper-changing pad, blanket or even an extra diaper so that nothing even touches the surface below it. I probably wouldn’t have chosen to change a diaper right on the table and would have chosen my lap instead, but I sympathize with the mother in question. I do not appreciate having to change my child’s diaper in a restroom that does not have a changing table. I have sat on more than one tiled bathroom floor with my legs out in front of me so that I could change my child without having to put HER on the tile floor. I once changed my child’s diaper on the airplane seat-back tray (with something protecting the tray from any unpleasantness). I was not aware that there were changing tables in the airline bathrooms, and there simply was not enough room to rest my child in my lap. A flight attendant was horrified that I did that. Clearly she did not have children! When I later examined the so-called “changing table” in the airplane restroom, I was glad I hadn’t endangered my child by trying to change her on that precarious perch above the toilet.
Where Would You Change Baby? » Work at Home in Progress
Feb 6, 2007 at 4:31 pm
[…] People criticize mothers very freely. Apparently moms are likely to be selfish and think only of their children, not of others. There’s an interesting post over at BabyLune about this tendency to assume mothers are in the wrong. […]
kbaggott
Feb 6, 2007 at 11:45 pm
PJM- I would prefer not to change my child on an eating surface either, but I understand why she did it. Most restaurants, with the exception of family fast-food places, don’t provide a place to change babies. And, if she’d asked for a place in the back, she might have been offered a food preparation surface.
Anjela- It’s true that change tables in airplane restrooms are more dangerous than others. I think you did the right thing.
crunchy carpets
Feb 7, 2007 at 11:43 am
After taking the family to Swiss Chalet assuming they would be family friendly..I do sympathize..though I would probably have done a chair or the floor on a blanket and not the table in front of everyone.
The swiss chalet didn’t even have a long counter to do it..no change table nothing.
kbaggott
Feb 7, 2007 at 3:25 pm
CC- Well, I hope I would find an alternative to the table top too, but that is the problem with having to improvise. You have to do it without any help or planning.
I am surprised about Swiss Chalet. Does anyone know of any non fastfood chains that DO have change tables and other facilities for babies?
Go Read It Today, Wednesday, February 7, 2007 :: Plain Jane Mom Blog.
Feb 8, 2007 at 5:26 pm
[…] I’m sorry, this argument is ludicrous. Why would anyone in any circumstance change their baby on the table at a restaurant? Misguided activism, and really really gross. […]
Like It Is : Childfree and Judgemental?
Jun 7, 2007 at 1:05 am
[…] The actual link to the Ellie and and Ellie’s column doesn’t work. However you can get the gist of the story from the writer of this article. […]
Tia
Jun 7, 2007 at 8:32 pm
Fact of the matter is, this is unsanitary and just gross. Yes, babies need to be changed and they will be more miserable if NOT changed, but there is a time and a place for everything. THIS is not the place.
How would mummy feel if I slapped my wounded knee on the restaurant table and proceeded to change my wound dressings and clean up the stitches? My knee needs attention as well and if the dressing is dirty enough, I might get an infection and that could cause bigger problems for me than diaper rash.
If I did that, I would expect the criticism as well.
Love the entitlement in today’s parents.
k
Oct 12, 2007 at 6:04 pm
This column is inane. Any parent should call and ask a restaurant what accommodations are available for them and their infant before going. Are they going to change their infant on top of a bar next?
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