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Three Ugly Truths Motherhood Has Taught Me

by kate baggott on August 30th, 2007

Mother love is cute, isn’t it? Having a baby is like living with a scene from a greeting card. It’s all fluffy yellow duckies and peeping chicks, furry bunnies and puppy wuppies…Yeah.

There are three things I have learned from motherhood that, I suspect, show me an uglier side of humanity I never would have met had I not indulged in the instinct to procreate.
1. I now know how screaming could lead to bodily harm.

I have already confessed to not having slept through the night for more than five years. I am trying to wean my daughter, but she is still nursing and wants the easy comfort of breast milk. We are battling with every new tooth, and there have been 6 new teeth in the last 7 weeks. The discomfort is making her wake more often than she did as a newborn. I also wake up and need to go to work in the morning. I know I need help, but I am scared to leave her with someone else, even her own daddy. I am her mother, I love her. The emotion stops me from throwing her across the room at 3 a.m. What would stop someone who loves her less? I am too scared to try and find out.

2. More women need to become immune to charm.

I know I told you that I got my groove back.  That said, I really have no interest in broader topics of sexuality. I don’t notice good looking men, I don’t flirt, I don’t go lingerie shopping or look for ways to increase my passion. On the upside, my faithfulness is never threatened.

That said, the other day, a man in a parking garage elevator caught my eye. I was late for work and distracted.  He looked into my face and raised an eye brow at me. It was very Pierce Brosnan in Remington Steele. Into this gesture,  I read his asking a silent question: “Have you noticed how good looking I am?”

My look, in return, probably said: “Nope. I haven’t noticed anything special.”

And, really, I hadn’t.

I wish this indifference had been with me when I was single and wasting time on handsome men who were completely convinced of their own smooth-talking, hot body power. Really, they brought nothing into my life. I wish I had some of the energy I lost on them now. I’d have more saved up in my sleep bank.

3.  Motherhood is an important job, but anyone can do it.

There is no special training for motherhood, the reading list is mostly irrelevant and, whatever you do, someone is going to judge you harshly for it. This realization has made me stop caring what people think. As a result, my neighbors need to live with a little extra noise.  I don’t need anyone’s nomination for Mother of the Year.

Am I more cynical about other people now that I am a mother? Definitely. I am also mellower, more rational and invest my emotions more carefully. It’s not cute, but it is not a bad deal.

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