Babylune

Two Days to Mark on Your Calendar

by kate baggott on November 20th, 2006

Today is National Child Day in Canada, a day of action on issues that concern children.

Friday is Buy Nothing Day, an attempt to get people thinking about what they buy versus what they need.

The connection? Let me make one via the magic of personal anecdote.

Last year I was heavily pregnant and I my then 3 year-old and I were in the post office where there was a life-size cut out of a little girl whispering in Santa’s ear.

“You better bring me a train! OK?” He shouted at the picture. The anticipation of Christmas, the stress of desire was really hurting him. Later, he saw a train on the highest shelf in the family clothing shop and thought we should just buy it and cut this Nikolaus guy out of the picture. He also liked the super construction crane (batteries not included) and the dump truck with flashing lights.

“Buy it,” he said.

“No, it’s too expensive,” I said.

I broke my own rule.

Normally, I say, “you don’t really need it” and he thinks it over and we talk about how many toys we have at home already. When I was growing up, there was a lot of conflict about money and it was always the reason to go without. In truth though, a lot of it shouldn’t have been about money but about controlling consumption craziness which doesn’t make kids feel that they’re coming from some deprived environment. We grew up in a Georgian-revival redbrick mansion (true, it wasn’t in a fashionable part of town), but my mother still managed to convince us we were poor.

I had been buying presents for other people that say and it had been a bit shocking in financial terms. I went out with the intention of buying each of my husband’s nieces a small toy and panicked because his sister was in Lovech taking care of my mother-in-law and the girls were being taken care of by their paternal grandmother in Plodiv.

“What if they need new warm clothes? What if they’re missing their mother and think we don’t feel their pain?” and so I alleviated my own guilt about not wanting my husband to go to Bulgaria while I was pregnant and bought them each a winter coat, a toy and candy. So when my son saw the Gummy Bears in the package for his cousins he almost had a meltdown and said, “No, Nadi and Leni can’t have the gummy bears. It’s too expensive.”

So my boy got some gummy bears too. I don’t know any better than anyone else how to walk the line between having a happy child and a spoilt child, but after years of working in media research the one belief I do share with the anti-media crowd is that commercial bombardment causes depression in children and I do want to counteract that threat as much as I can.

This is what I do:
1. I don’t tie what I buy or don’t buy to how much money we have or don’t have. Instead, bring up the idea of need and how much we already have.

2. We talk about how to help others who are worse off than we are. This year, we filled a shoe box with Christmas pleasures and necessities for a child living through an emergency. The small space available made us really think about what would bring someone pleasure. Giving a lot by giving a little, rather than just throwing gifts at a child until we get a smile, is probably how we should handle gift giving at home too.
3. I encourage the idea of accomplishment linked to action not acquisition.

I didn’t even realise this third point was something I had to work on until recent events.

A few days ago my boy brought his toy space shuttle to me and said, “Let’s go on a rocket and see the moon.”

And why not? He has a toy car and we ride in cars. He has a toy airplane and we ride in airplanes. He has a toy train and we…well, you know. We told him that he’s have to become an astronaut or earn $20 million extra dollars to become a space tourist. The difference being that if he were to become an astronaut, he’d have to cultivate interest in so many topics and be able to apply those interests to the universe around him. Inspiring him to do that, is what parenting is about. Telling him about the $20 million price of a space tourist ticket? That just inspires him to think about wealth.

So, I am introducing a theme week. From National Day of the Child to Buy Nothing Day, I am going to work on convincing myself and my kids that life isn’t about making and spending money.

Got any tips to further the cause?

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POSTED IN: Mental Health